Introducing... Peanut.

Well... I'm 12weeks, 4 days...
and this is Peanut!

We heard the heart beat... like a Timex watch under water. woosh woosh woosh, ha. While we were doing the ultrasound Peanut FLIPPED over. I saw the baby facing up, then I think I saw JUST the butt, and then UPSIDE DOWN. it was hilarious.

Oh, and Peanut has a little peanut tongue sticking out. TOTALLY our kid!!!

I can't believe I forgot to do this!

July 17th 2009, this is Peanut at 8weeks!!!! ha.

waahhh.

Today has been a shit show, so was yesterday....

I felt terrible yesterday. My vision went all wonky, my body parts felt numb, and I thought I was having a stroke. So I did the ONLY sensible thing. I DROVE MY SELF TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. yep...


I got there at about 2:45pm. I explained everything, following up with "and I'm 12 weeks pregnant"... they just looked at me, and told me to have a seat in the waiting room. The MINUTE my ass hit the chair I was whisked into the ER. Blood tests. MORE blood was drawn then when I found out I was pregnant. Then a urine test... and they checked my skin and eyes. Severely dehydrated. I was hooked up to an IV... they did an ultrasound on my carotid arteries (in my neck) to make sure there wasn't any issue or cause to think it was a stroke... I ended up having a total of 3 bags of fluids. about 1/2 way thru the 3rd bag I was taken back to UltraSound to check on Peanut. Measuring JUST over 12 weeks, and looking fabulous. thank god.

so I need to try to stay more hydrated. and have a little gatorade now and then. Throwing up SO much and being so exhausted and sleeping so much is what's leading to the dehydration. blah.

then today, has just been an epic fail. I don't know what's happening with my leave from work... either it's being denied or my time has run out. I got a check for $34 today. WOW. really?! I'm trying to take a hardship withdrawl from my 401K to catch up on bills, and stuff.

We go in on Tuesday (8/18) for testing on Peanut and I to check for potential birth defects. We'll have a new picture then too... and we'll get to hear the heartbeat.

I need to see if I can be released back to work. I can't afford to be out anymore, regardless of how sick I am. I'll figure something out. I'm also now looking for a new job, as I'm completely unhappy with my job and I really don't need the additional stress. (I KNOW every job comes with stresses, but for the last year, I've left work everyday cursing my life and wanting to quit) I need to find something that pays at least with in $2-$3 of what I'm making now... *fingers crossed*

I honestly felt today as if my life was a cruel joke, and that I was going to have a breakdown of epic proportions. 1st, I couldn't SLEEP because the fluids from the IV's hit me around 2-3am, and I had to pee every 15-20minutes until about 11am. (awesome), then there was the NO money in my bank account, the bills we need to pay, my car hating me, trying to eat, FINALLY falling asleep from about 12noon to 2:30pm. (most consecutive sleep in over 48 hours), and then completely botching dinner. (what was SUPPOSED to be a BBQ Chicken w/cornbread casserole, turned to shit. the corn bread burnt, and the chicken was still raw. next time, I'll cook the chicken FIRST).... so I cried. hysterically. I told Sean if I wasn't pregnant I'd throw myself off a roof... but if I wasn't pregnant, I wouldn't WANT to throw myself off a roof. He asked me to kindly wait until AFTER the baby is born. He's so cute.

the only plus I've found recently is this big 33oz (like, 1l) bottles of water called Smart Water... made by the same company that makes VitaminWater.... it's bottled water w/electrolytes. I'm NOT a huge gatorade fan, but sometimes I need SOMETHING, and this seems to work... not to mention I keep refilling the bottles once they are empty and carrying them around since it's a HUGE bottle and it reminds me I need to drink a SHIT load.

... on that note, my neck is KILLING me. my back, neck, hips and shoulders hurt. I'd like to thank the lovely dose of relaxin that my pregnant body is producing for the copious amounts of pain I'm in. The only way I can get comfortable is to lay on the hard wood floor on my back, or lay in bed and not get up.

It's going to be a LONG pregnancy if I can't get this shit to stop... Although, I'm seriously enjoying knowing that I'm growing a little person inside of me, and I'm hoping that subsequent pregnancies get easier, because Sean and I do want a few babies... and I don't want to rip his junk off after this one.

alrighty kiddies, keep it sticky *muah*

I have some things to say, and this is my conduit to do so.

I?ve spent a lot of time lately thinking, and I wanted to just put a few things out here? not so much for everyone else, but for me. It?s not directed at any one in particular, but I feel that I need to do this for me?

I want to start by saying that I really DO appreciate all the info, stories and ? details that everyone has given me in regards to child birth and pregnancy. I don?t want to sound like I?m NOT grateful, because I am. The info is close and personal to you, and I?m honored that so many of you want to share these intimate details, but I?d really, really don?t want to hear ALL the details of how you brought your precious bundle of joy into the world.

In the past month, I?ve heard all the awesomeness, and all the horror stories of at least 75% of the people I know.
I?ve been told I NEED TO have a natural, drug free birth, I?ve been told I HAVE to breastfeed, I?ve been told what to do, what not to do, what to eat, what not to eat? that if I have a C-section or I use drugs for labor I?d be ?a bad mother?, and I?ve also been told that I NEED to get an epidural, a spinal block, ? a million different things coming from many directions based on everyone else?s experiences.
I?ve also had a few people who?ve just flat out said that regardless of what I do, or how I do it, I?ll be a great mother and to just enjoy the pregnancy and ignore what everyone else is telling me. THIS I appreciate.

What I?m about to say, I say as lovingly as possible?
My pregnancy is NOT your pregnancy? just as yours wasn?t anyone else?s. Seeing as how I have had my body all my life, I know it best, and I trust my doctors who?ve being through hell and high water w/me and my medical issues to assist me in making the BEST decision for me and our child.
Whether or not I do Hypno-birthing, water birthing, c-section, Epidural, Natural? I?m going to be the one growing this child and bringing it into the world, and no matter HOW this child arrives here, all I want is a healthy child.

While I appreciate all the Fem-Nazi?s out there who demand that women have natural drug free child births with only the support of family and a midwife, part of being feminine is having the right to choose what I do with my body, and my options surrounding MY labor and delivery. What works for you, may not work for me, and what works for me, may not work for the rest of the general population.

The way a child is brought into this world does not make a woman any more/less of a mother?. Just as the feeding options doesn?t dictate whether or not she?s a good parent either. Loving and nurturing your child and family is what MAKES you a mom/dad/awesome parent.

If I ask for help, info, opinions and options, then obviously I want them, but I really can do with out the unsolicited information from everyone and their mother on how we should bring Peanut into the world and raise him/her. I respect everyone?s options and opinions on how they want their child raised, and I don?t just anyone else for the decisions they make so long as they are caring for their child. Please don?t pass judgment on me, or anyone else for the decision that are made in our personal lives.

Thanks for reading!!